Thursday, April 2, 2009

Script -- Feedback please?

Background music fade-in
Exposition – Fade-in of a bathroom with fade-in/out overlaid title, a little girl is standing in front of the sink on a stool and applying lipstick, badly. She is wearing big pearls and a hat that doesn’t fit; obviously she is playing dress-up in her mother’s clothing.

Med. Shot, from perspective of mirror – The girl smiles into the mirror; her face is a mess of bad make-up. She reaches down for the jewelry box and picks up a ring, but drops it.

The ring clinks in the metal drain.

Profile, med long shot. The inside of the pipe is visible in a silhouetted sink like a diagram. The girl tries to stick her finger down the drain but can’t reach the ring.

Med. Shot, from perspective of mirror- The girl is frustrated and thinks about what to do. She smiles and gets an idea, then turns to leave the bathroom.

A hamster in a cage that is on a girlish dresser. He is carefully selecting a nut from his food pile. Offscreen footsteps rise in volume and the hamster looks up nervously.

C/U – Some Barbie and Ken dolls on stands. One of them has a little pith helmet on and the girl’s hand comes from off-screen and grabs it.

The girl’s hands open the hamster cage. She scoops out the bewildered hamster and puts the pith helmet on his head, then dashes off screen.

Med-long shot, the sink “diagram” again. A cockroach cautiously approaches the ring in the drain and pokes at it with its antennae. As footsteps get louder it dashes down the drain. The girl runs on screen with the hamster in hand.

Low shot from the hamster’s perspective –The hamster gets placed on the rim of the sink. The girl points at the sink and the hamster looks where she’s pointing. He shakes his head nervously but the girls hands quickly ties a piece of string around the hamster’s middle.

Med shot of hamster. He hops down into the basin of the sink and peers into the hole. He looks up pitifully at the girl and reacts to her off screen reaction by slowly shaking his head and gulping. He hops down into the drain.

“Diagram” shot again, but closer to the drain. The hamster lands on the bend in the drain and sees the ring. The cockroach from before peeks up over the second bend and pokes at the ring. The hamster hops over and snatches it, then tugs on the line. As he gets dragged slowly upward, the cockroach watches sadly and waves his antennae.

The hamster gets awkwardly dragged out of the drain, almost dropping the ring but managing to hold on to it.

The girl pulls the hamster to eye level and grins, putting out her hand to receive the ring. The hamster drops it into her hand and the girl lowers the hamster to the sink.

The hamster gets set down beside the jewelry box and looks up at the girl.

The girl puts on the ring and looks at it admiringly.

The hamster is still looking up at the girl. The cockroach edges up beside him. The hamster notices him and tilts his head. The cockroach points at the jewelry lying in the box above the hamster with an antenna. The hamster grabs a different ring from the box and gives it to the cockroach, who bounces happily and skitters away as the hamster waves good-bye.

Cut to credits.

1 comment:

Chris St. Clair said...

Cat, this is a really awesome premise! I can definitely see this being adapted for a senior film. As I said during our 'gathering' it is a lot to take on, but I know I'm doing just as much and see no reason why you can't make this kick some serious bottom so long as you put in the time.
I really look forward to seeing your progress on this piece. :)